


The Idea of You

by AccessCode5



Category: Original Work
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Drabble, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 07:11:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6507901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccessCode5/pseuds/AccessCode5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Was this not what love was?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Idea of You

The room was utterly silent. The soft chatter of guests waiting for the ceremony to reach its peak had fallen away completely. They sat motionless, waiting, expectant, their eyes soft in that way that comes with weddings. All I could hear was the rush of my own pulse, the blood pounding in my ears. 

I had practiced this countless times before, and each time the expected phrase had fallen effortlessly from my mind's lips. Why, then, did my throat run dry and my tongue grow heavy at the thought of giving the well rehearsed words voice? 

You, having already said your peace, stared at me with large eyes that held nothing but adoration and trust. The expression made me ill. How could I be hesitant towards such a love? It was traitorous, and made my insides churn at my own corrupt feelings as I tried to repeat the same two syllables you had already so easily released. 

My own mind had become an enigma. I found myself questioning everything that up until that moment I had believed as concrete knowledge. Did I not love you? Of course I loved you, what a preposterous question. I had spent hours, even years, of my life thinking of you, talking to you, being with you. I had been through every possible fight, had overcome all obstacles, just to stay by your side. 

Was this not what love was? 

This rhetoric thought brought me up short. This was the thought that reached me deepest, drawing a sudden flood of nearly accusatory thoughts forward. Perhaps what I felt was not love. Perhaps it was not a love for a life with you, but a love for something that I wasn't allowed and yet so desperately wanted. Perhaps it was a love for the rebellion that came with my being with you. 

It was these things that burned through me with startling clarity, and it was then that I realized: I was not in love with you, but with the idea of you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an original work, just a short drabble. Thank you for giving it some of your time.


End file.
